Reports: The Irish Language Banned Once Again

At least one Internet report says that the Irish ministerial representative for European integration has said that Irish (Gaelic) has again been made illegal in Ireland.

Crowds grow outside Dublin's histroical General Post Office (GPO), which was ironically a focal point of the Easter Rising in 1916, whic is being celebrated this Easter Monday, April 01 2013.

Crowds grow outside Dublin’s historical General Post Office (GPO), which was ironically a focal point of the Easter Rising in 1916, which is being celebrated this Easter Monday, April 01 2013.

In his statement, the ministerial representative reportedly said: “This day, April 01 2013, will go down in the history books as the day where Ireland is truly free of the shackles of the past.”

“The Irish language shamefully costing Ireland millions”

“Our country has been held back by that language. We waste schooling resources teaching it to all children. We waste government resources providing laughable languages to Irish speakers.”

“What’s more, TG4 television is costing millions. This shameful trend must end. We are returning to the 1600′s law that the Irish language may no longer be spoken in private or in public in Ireland. It will be banned from these shores.”

The Irish police force, An Garda Síochána, is said to be in for a name change to "The Gaurds", as their name has been seemingly banned.

The Irish police force, An Garda Síochána, is said to be in for a name change to “The Gaurds”, as their name has been seemingly banned. These Gardaí — sorry, Gaurds –, were seen on Dublin’s O’Connell Street as part of the Easter Rising 1916 events. They were on full alert to ensure only English be spoken on the streets of Dublin.

The ministerial representative refused an interview with the now redundant Raidió na Gaeltachta.

These dogs will probably face repercusions if the wúf instead of woof, following the reports.

These dogs will probably face repercussions if they wúf instead of woof, following the reports.

Statement this April timed to mark Easter Rising

The shocking statement came just as Easter Rising 1916 commemorations where taking place across Ireland.

The Easter Rising was, ironically, Ireland’s big move towards eventual independence.

The Great Famine memorial, on Dublin's docks. It's been reportedly said that modern Ireland

The Great Famine memorial, on Dublin’s docks.

Services for learning Irish language accept modern reality

“We saw this coming”, said Eoin, the founder of Bitesize Irish Gaelic. “We have been fighting the crusade of teaching Irish, and may now need to flee to England to continue our service.

It's unclear whether Gaeltacht (Irish-speaking) areas in the west of Ireland will need to be dismantled following Ireland's English-only policies.

It’s unclear whether Gaeltacht (Irish-speaking) areas in the west of Ireland will need to “Géill Slí” (Yield) and be dismantled following Ireland’s English-only policies. One thing’s for sure, Dingle may never be known as Daingean Uí Chúis again.

“It was becoming clear that Ireland was out-growing its need to have a rural local language which seems to have no longer a place in modern Ireland. With this apparent new policy, people interested in Irish may have no choice but to learn Irish online.”

Ticket for Ireland's leading ferry company are said to be in brisk demand, especially with Gaeltacht citizens whose futures remain unclear in Ireland.

Tickets for Ireland’s leading ferry company are said to be in brisk demand, especially with Gaeltacht citizens whose futures remain unclear in Ireland.

The future of Irish Gaelic? Let’s look to Berlin

Only time will tell whether the Germanic-led expansion across Europe, known as the European Union, will give support to English or Irish. Analysts observe that English — Earth’s strongest and most beautiful Germanic language — give opportunities for a more efficiently-run union.

Eoin, of Bitesize Irish Gaelic, finally noted: “We now realize how we were only creating a less efficient world by promoting smaller languages. The Irish government’s stated policy must be for the best.”

He also noted: “If you enjoyed this April Fool’s, please retweet it, or like it on Facebook.”

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Comments

  1. Michael H says:

    Thanks for the cuckle ;)

  2. Jody says:

    Happy Aprils Fools Day to you, too!

  3. Tina Gallagher says:

    What is the url of this report? I can’t seem to find it anywhere. I’m truly hoping this is an April Fool’s joke.

  4. Jason Burton says:

    Completely had me going.

  5. Dhomhniall A. Lopez says:

    Even realizing (I hope!!!) that this is an April Fool joke, I was outraged at the possibility of banning Gaeilge. My first reaction was to think of what I could do to put an end to this stupidity,…who could I write to,….would it make a difference???,…. Some things are not funny, although I do tend to joke about things that perhaps I shouldn’t. My love for Sean Nos singing alone, prohibits me from being passive about such nonesense. Slan go foill,
    Danny

  6. Pol says:

    Wouldn’t surprise me if the current pols in Dublin did ban the language. They seem to be ashamed of their history and how 26 counties achieved some degree of freedom. ” Another day of made to measure history”

  7. Sandra says:

    OMG,you about gave me a stroke. But of course, that was too ludicrous to be real!!

  8. Scarlett says:

    Wow! I was totally believing that for a while!! You’re so mean Eoin! Happy April Fools to you too!

  9. Rose OHagan says:

    Hello should I have got a ebook value of 19$ when I signed up for the 1 month trial?
    can you please clear this up for me
    Roisin

  10. Tina Gallagher says:

    You got me fair and square! That’s not easy to do, either. I should have known, given the date of the “report.” I’ll be wearing egg on my face all day today. Still, a funny joke!

  11. michi says:

    … and what do you actually reply, when someone was fooled?

    Michi
    PS: I hope you find a nice place in England 8-)))

  12. Siusan says:

    My first thoughts were I don’t care I’m going to learn my native language anyway. It made me think of the country where I live that in one provence Engish is banned in many of the areas. Too many natives languages have been lost because of one country taking over another. I was shocked and then angry. Nice to know that it was an April fools joke and our language will live on.

    Siusan

  13. Thanks for reminding me of the importance of diversity . And that Freedom isn’t free-the cost being eternal vigilance. Great Fun tho–tapadh leibh….slan go foill

  14. Joan says:

    Cé mhéad deochanna raibh an fear a bheith?

  15. mehull says:

    The contemporary definition of a joke is something that makes you laugh.
    I accept though that the term is only ever applied on April 1st to mean falsehood.Truth be told i never believed the Garda would be changing its name overnight and enforcing the use of English, but the idea that some politician would call for such a thing was nothing but disturbing. Look at what they did to Tara in the name of efficiency! is mise mehull

  16. Karen says:

    I really enjoyed the smile you gave me. Go raibh maith agat.

  17. Jon says:

    Ye Gods…
    Something is really wrong here :(.
    What does this mean for native Irish speakers? They’re banned from speaking the language of their ancestors?! Ridiculous. And for the Irish government itself to make this statement is deplorable.
    What’s next? Banning kilts? Why then, I’ll walk in the streets of Ireland without…you know ;).

  18. Jon says:

    Oh dear me….
    Dang, Eoin, ‘ye got me! :)

  19. Luis Miguel says:

    Aw! s#&t!!, I was seriously getting pissed off!! Then I saw the part that said “Happy April Fool’s Day” and the anger suddenly turned into shame, then into laughter mixed with shame… that is twice I have been fooled… Today I have been made an Amadán out of. He he, nice one Eoin.

  20. valerie says:

    My heart almost stopped when I read this,I was indignant and thinking why would the Irish government come to such hasty decision on something as imperative and vital as their wonderful language! Lol Eoin that was a great April Fool’s joke! :)

  21. Kevin says:

    You went for the jugular on that one Eoin, There’s been a lot of crazy crap going on in the States lately that would make your joke seem almost believable with so many here ignorant and or ashamed of our country and its heritage as they wipe their bums with the Bill of Rights. I’ve got about six months of Gaeilge under my belt and strive to become fluent as an appreciation for all those that left their beautiful Eirinn by force or free will to come here and build this country I love. Go raibh maith agat, Eoin! Saoirse go brach!

  22. Angel says:

    Yep, brilliant, well done Eoin, you got me ! I thought the leprechauns had taken over suddenly !
    Go raibh maith agat
    Angel

  23. Joe says:

    Eoin ! I’m Italian American and got pissed off. This was a cruel joke. Ha Ha Ha

  24. Candace says:

    Oh my, I’m sitting here in class reading my email from yesterday laughing to myself because I totally fell for it! I was getting angry and then I read the last line! Haha, good one!!

  25. Eoin says:

    Thanks to everyone for their lighthearted response to this April Fool’s prank. Glad we got some hearts beating ;)

  26. Haley says:

    You really scared me! I was so sad for a while!

  27. Kathleen Horton says:

    My sister, Padraigin, and I (Caitlin) were outraged and crushed when we started reading your brilliant report on banishing the Irish language. Phew, were we relieved when it dawned on us that it was April 1st. You ‘lil scorpion, Eoin.

  28. Carol says:

    I like many were dupped, and infuriated. I am just starting to learn Irish, and the thought of this banning, happening again was unbearable to me. I was ready to get petitions signed – contributions from the American Irish community and the whole deal. So happy it is not real.

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